chicks, pants, showing it all, dancing


See the Shadows of Innocence and Sanity

a shadow of the day

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chicks, pants, showing it all, dancing
From Nisha.

I do not know why my friends feel the need to tell me about their sexuality. It is like it was some dirty little secret that they have to tell or else they will just die from keeping it all inside. I never thought that I would be the one to wonder what it is like to have this burning in your bones to tell someone exactly about yourself, to tell someone the awful awful truth.

When Lauren told me about her girlfriend and how she was and... just all of it, she was crying so hard. Like it meant that it was the end of our friendship. She was actually weeping in the middle of the day, as though I would see her as something disgusting. I gave her a hug because I had to hide my face from her. I had to hide the look on my face because it would have hurt her feelings.

Because all I could think was... “And??” And I am supposed to care? And you had to tell me this because...? And you are making such a big deal out of that?

I did not hide the look from Damien because I think I always knew about him. I think I always knew that he was asexual, just because he... Without sounding a complete idiot, I think I knew he was not run of the mill because he appreciated the aesthetic beauty of everyone... and never did the usual guy things. Never really sat there and made more than an appreciative noise. Nothing lewd like most guys I know, gay or otherwise.

When he told me, I gave him the same look. And he laughed. “Thanks for the support, there, Nisha.”

And Anthony? Anthony is.... It starts when I am catching up to them again. Finding them and staying with them.... Anthony gave me a chance to hang with him today. Sitting in the computer lab and making random cracks at each other. IMing each other though we were sitting side by side. He is still beyond insane, as far as I am concerned.

He told me that he was gay. Had been for awhile. And what was I supposed to say? I wanted to believe he was joking. And then I asked the hypothetical "Would you ever date (blank) kind of girl?" And he gave me this look. A look that said "Who are you kidding?" He pulled me to the side, frowning. "You know I would never date a girl... right?"

I laughed it off with yet another “And?” look. “And you want me to do what about it?”

I never thought about it. I never thought about saying... "Why not? Or, why at all?" I just thought that... maybe... And then I gave up trying to think about what he said and just stared at the big picture. I either see only small pieces of it, or I look at the big picture and miss the details....

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i think of the two characters that i know not at all, i like getting to know nisha the most.

the other being alex? yeah... alex isn't on the top of my get-to-know either.

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