chicks, pants, showing it all, dancing


See the Shadows of Innocence and Sanity

a shadow of the day

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chicks, pants, showing it all, dancing
From the Round Table.

Nisha decided it was time for her to ask the question that had been bothering her most of the time she had been coming to this group. “Sin, I know you are not gay. But I have to ask the two of you,” she said, including Alex and Nix in her questioning, “how did you know you were gay?”

Nix chuckled as Alex choked a bit on the soda he was drinking. “Excuse me?” he asked, as he recovered from his shocked fit. “Are you serious?”

Nisha sighed heavily, as if she was annoyed at having to ask again. “Yes, I am serious. I want to know how you know. Do you realize that I have been repressed at my house for so long, I do not know half the things that kids that are barely 10 years old now know? It is like I have been locked in a bubble at the bottom of the ocean my whole life, and I am just now finding out there is something called land and the sun.” She huffed out a breath, pushing a few braids back behind her ear. “Look, Alex, I know you are bi, so I wanted to ask you the same thing. How did you know you were not straight? Was it dreams or some kind of fairy godmother, premonition, omen, smoke signals type thing?”

“Sometimes, Nisha, you just know. You know?” Nix asked, wondering if that made enough sense. He gave a kind of nervous laugh. “I mean, I have known for forever that I liked men and that was that. I prefer men.” Nix gave a shrug that meant everything and nothing at the same time. “Now, if you want to ask me about Shay... that is a different story.”

“Oh?” Nisha perked up. “Who is she?”

“She is...” he cleared his throat and pointed to the others in the room. “This does not leave this room. Liam would kill me.” They all nodded until he was satisfied. “Shay is my girlfriend. Liam is my boyfriend. Shay is... God. I do not even know. She was my best friend, and then we just... it became so much more. I remember looking at her one day and just feeling this yearning in my bones. I have never felt that before, though I have had sex with women before. It was not the same, you know?” He sighed and scrubbed a hand through his hair. “There was this complete perfection about her, and instead of needing to feel protected, I wanted to protect her. I wanted to give her everything she has ever wanted and keep her safe and I loved her.” He grinned imperfectly. “I love her.”

“So you just... knew?” Nisha asked, wanting to be clear.

Nix gave a half nod. “I guess so. I mean, when I was younger, knowing I liked men was just... there. It always had been. Like knowing what kind of music you like and the foods you like. Some things you have to try, and some things you just know.”

Nisha nodded slightly, trying to figure herself in the situation. Alex interrupted her thoughts. “It is simple, Nisha. No need to get bent out of shape over it. Just... open your mind, and everything will fall into place. You fall in love with with who you fall in love with.”


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