chicks, pants, showing it all, dancing


See the Shadows of Innocence and Sanity

a shadow of the day

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chicks, pants, showing it all, dancing
About Alex.

Sometime before he falls into bed, he realizes he has not seen anyone in days. He has not seen Tyler or Kyden or Dominic the baby. He has not seen Luke or Spencer in longer, but he knows that he ought to have seen someone by now. He is falling asleep before he can suss out exactly why he does not know where they are, succumbing to the call of a soft pillow and oblivion.

Another day passes, where Alex is at work in the coffee shop. He wears a green apron and brews coffee after coffee, expensive latte after overpriced mocha, all for a wage that would make a high school student laugh. And amid the shots of this flavor and the dashes of that spice and the ever-present aroma of coffee beans, Alex has the tendency to forget that he should not be alone. Not when he is the way he is.

It is not until he gets home after having stopped for a pint on the way home that he realizes he is no longer sober like he promised Spencer. He acknowledges that a pint is far less than what he used to drink, and he is not even feeling a buzz from it now after having spent so long drinking until there was nothing holding him up any longer. And he thinks for a moment about calling him, to apologize for drinking when he made a promise that he had all intentions of keeping. He thinks about it seriously and has the phone in his hand, prepared to dial, when he realizes that it really does not matter because Spencer has not seen him in days. At least, it should not matter at this point.

He is in his room in moments, lying down on the bed to take just a short nap, he tells himself, and proceeds to give himself over to the darkness behind his eyelids. He tells himself he will wake up soon and go talk to Tyler and Kyden at their new place, play with Dominic for a while and see if they will let him lay on their couch for a night so that he will not be so alone in the flat. He says he will wake up in an hour, just enough time to get rid of the pent up tightness from working from dawn until dusk. He falls asleep and does not wake up until the next morning.

It has been days since he has seen anyone outside of his usual workmates. He does not call himself a recluse, because he knows that on the weekend he will run by Luke’s flat and stay with her until she pushes him out the door. Whereupon he will go directly to Tyler and Kyden’s place and crash on their couch as long as they will have him.

And when they lovingly kick him out and make him go back to his empty flat, it will be days and days until the cycle repeats itself. He feels almost homeless and alone, knowing it will be days until he sees Spencer and his gloriously flamboyant tattoos. It will be days until he sees Luke’s dark hair caressing his pillow. It will be days until he feels like he belongs to someone again and is not so alone anymore.


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