chicks, pants, showing it all, dancing


See the Shadows of Innocence and Sanity

a shadow of the day

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chicks, pants, showing it all, dancing
From Nix.
New Year:

I am laying back in my bed when I realize what today is. What it means for me in the long run. I mean to go to the common room, to take part in some of the festivities. It is the dawning of a new year, a new life and a new day. I should be out there with them, instead of in my room, isolating myself again.

It has been like this for months, ever since David left. I keep spending more and more time locked up in my room, working on things that have no use or are not necessary until much much later. I even missed Christmas with the family this time, and it took everything in me to answer the phone when they called to find out where and how I am. Shy stayed for a week or two, trying to hide out as well. The two of us together did not last long. He had to go be with the family, whereas I had to sequester myself away for longer and longer.

I am lying in bed fully dressed, and I know I cannot wait for long. I need to go and be a part of the life out there. There will be music and dancing and a crowd to lose myself in. There will be everything there that I need at this point to make me forget that a boy I had given my heart and soul to would throw it away so callously. It is nearly midnight, and the party is just beginning.

I leave my room and cross the hall to the central room, already lit with fairy lights and lamps and the furniture pushed back against the walls. The music is pounding, and I am surprised I did not hear it in my room. Was I that far detached from everything around me?

A girl swirls past me, laughing and handing me a brimming cup. “Welcome to the party, Nixy!” I know her, I am sure of it. I am not so far gone that I do not know who is who. And though I know I should worry about what is in my hand, I guzzle it down like there is no tomorrow. There is no tomorrow, as far as I am concerned at this point. I exclusively want to worry about tonight.

I am wandering the room and I can tell that everyone else is enjoying the party like I want to enjoy it. The laughter and the joy is like a tide, pushing and pulling at me until I cannot resist. I join in, joking with some people I know, and some people I do not. It is nearly midnight and the ball is about to drop.

The music is turned down lower and lower as the countdown begins. I toss back the last of my drink, knowing the kiss that comes at midnight from the person you are to be with for the year is a promise that I will not have this year. Even with the raucous recklessness of an alcohol haze, there is still an overpowering sense of being bereft that I cannot shake.

“10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Happy New Year!” Streamers fly as everyone’s voices blare out their happy tidings. I feel a strong hand grip me around my waist, the dark haired man beside me kissing me fervently before releasing me.

I stumble back, faintly catching his “Happy New Year, fair one,” before a pair of feminine hands clasp my face and pull me into another kiss. For the space of a heartbeat, I can feel her soft lips against my own, and then she is gone with a smile and a laugh and something that sounds like “Happy New Year, bambino.” I shake my head and leave the room, not knowing what to think.

Happy New Year, indeed.

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hahaha. this makes me happy. all sorts of happy.

it made me happy too. it's nice to think they met beforehand, right?

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