chicks, pants, showing it all, dancing

shadows_of


See the Shadows of Innocence and Sanity

a shadow of the day


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chicks, pants, showing it all, dancing
shadows_of
From Alex.
Purple:

I am standing outside of her apartment for the final time. I do not want to tell her it is the final time I will see her here, tell her that I am leaving soon. But I have to tell her. I am going home. Or, at least, I am headed back to Boston. I do not want to tell her because to tell her I am leaving means telling her that we are finally finished. She will move on. I will move on.

I am standing outside of her apartment, fingers turning purple blue in the cold of an early winter. It is October, and I am due back in Boston by the first of November. It is getting late and the wind is blowing in more cold weather, rain and the promise of frost and snow. I am debating going inside of the apartment building, and not standing any longer out here in the parking lot.

I am standing, waiting for the courage to tell Luke what I have to say… waiting for my courage to build enough that I can break apart one of the few solid and helpful things in my life. To step away from Luke in the way that I have never been able to walk away from anyone before.

I am standing in the inevitable purple dark of night, the cold biting through my jacket like I have never felt before. I cannot tell if it is the chill of the weather or if it is because I know that this is a final step, a leap from the way we were and the way we will soon be.

I am standing here, cast in lavender shadow, because I cannot move. I cannot bring myself to knock and I cannot bring myself to say the words that I know are coming. I cannot stop this from happening, but I cannot start it either.

She’s come down the stairs and opened the door as I have stood here, contemplating the cataclysm about to begin. “Why are you standing out here instead of coming up?”

My hands are shoved deep in my pockets, and I find myself clenching them tightly, not wanting to reach out and grab her and never let her go. “I…”

“I would not have minded. You know that.” She pushes dark locks back behind a pale white ear, and steps forward, chill bumps spreading out across her bare arms. The door shuts behind her, and she steps just into my bubble of personal space, catching my warmth like a touchable thing.

“I know,” I whisper, and I hate myself 7 times for being a fool. I unbend enough to put my arms around her, to lend her some of my warmth. She is one of the best things to happen to me. Misha had been… but Luca Charleston was most definitely the person I have needed since I came to Angelus.

“You should come up,” she says, and burrows deeper into my warmth. She snuggles, and I feel her soft and warm and completely Luke against my chest, and my heart seizes up. I do not want to tell her that I am leaving tomorrow. I do not want to do anything to ruin this moment.

“I know you are leaving. Tyler told me. Last week.”

With her hands caressing my back underneath my jacket, I know she can feel how everything just stops for me. How I cannot move anymore and the tension in my frame. Tyler told her. Last week.

“I am not angry, Alex. I just want you to be safe. And to come back to me.” She sighs, and presses a kiss to my jaw. “I do not mind the wait.”

“Luke…” I breathe her name and pull her closer, tighter to me, everything about her making me love her more and more. “I do not want to leave you.”

“Come upstairs,” she says, and leads me by the hand.

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